I built my first custom circuit board with an Atmel ATMega328p-AU the tqfp-32 form factor. I connected xtal1 and xtal2 to an external 16mhz crystal to 22pf caps tied to ground. It seems to work great, I load the Arduino Bootloader using AVRDude and an arduino as an isp. As soon as I load a sketch on using the ftdi it blows out the bootloader and I can't upload a new sketch until reloading the bootloader. The sketch works as expected, my board has an on board relay and an onboard mosfet I've programmed various blink patterns on both the mosfet and relay.I just don't want to have to reload the bootloader everytime I want to make a change, my sketch is an evolving piece of work and it's frustratinf to take these steps. So far I've tried changing the lock bits to 0x0F 0xEF 0xFF and 0X2F. I've tried various fuse bits, I've changed the signature 0x1e 0x95 0x14 to 0x1e 0x95 0x0F. Nothing seems to change the results, the only thing I've managed to do is one upload caused the chip to run at 8mhz instead of 16mhz, oops. That was easily fixed though. Please if someone can help that would be great, unfortunately the fuse bit calculators I have found don't have the 16mhz crystal as an option even though it's clearly functional.
In Summary
Sketches overwrite my bootloader and I want my bootloader locked but I can't find a solution after nearly a full day of googling and experimenting